Kris Kringle, CEO
Santa’s Workshop, LLC
North Pole, HOH OHO
Dear Santa,
In this recessionary year, I ask of you nothing more for Christmas than a job interview. (I am not so presumptuous, if you know what I mean, to yet ask for the job itself; I know times are lean.)
But, if you please, place it not at some corporation (or government bureau ruining the nation) with benefits, health plan, and steep 401k. No, I’d like the duty of washing your sleigh—or cleaning out the reindeer stalls, or workshop floor mopping, dusting toys or lugging your knapsack so whopping, ‘cause I don’t mind starting at the bottom, you see: It’s the Christmas spirit that’s important to me.
But if you are open to making my dreams come true, above and beyond an entry-level interview, I must confess that I’d like to do more than sweeping by working production, PR, or record-keeping.
The latter would definitely fit like a glove, given my resume and sorts of work I love. With my gift for story, sense of justice, and Christmas vision, I would surely excel in your “Naughty or Nice” Division.
In the non-profit sector I have worked in organizing and maintaining information on persons comprising our database. I am meticulous by nature, also demure, so non-elf status should not deter you from my hire. In fact, no greater rector for the truth and quality of my character exists than the Division itself, where o’er a quarter of a century I have spent within the noble order of “Nice.” When it comes to references, surely that will suffice.
Thank you, dear Santa, and a suggestion, if I may: Let’s meet on the Eve, since you’ll be by, anyway. But if your schedule disallows, I wish you a Christmas merry; and I’ll make an appointment with your elf secretary.
Sincerely,
Jakeb S. Lladrey
P.S. My dear Santa, an unusual friend of mine wants a toy outside my realm, but not outside thine. So if I have not asked too much already, then I’d...like to ask you to give Mr. Vogel a sleigh ride.
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